This Is All That Matters
Join two seasoned fantasy football veterans, with a combined 40 years of questionable life choices and 20 years of trash talk in their keeper league, as they navigate the ups and downs of the NFL season. Expect plenty of top 10 lists, bold predictions, and unapologetic smack talk. If you're looking for polished analysis, move along. But if you want raw, unfiltered fantasy advice and a heavy dose of irreverent humor, "This is All That Matters" is the podcast for you. Remember...you gotta get in the water to compete.
This Is All That Matters
TIATM 046 - The RIP Pod
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The end of an era...you will be missed.
What is up? You cloud. We're back with another episode of the This Is All That Matters podcast. I'm your host. The Marathon continues. And I am joined by a very special guest. It's uh it's it's a it's a little sad. It's happy and sad. This man has an all-time record of 112 wins and 83 losses. He is leading the league with an all-time points per game of 144.23. And don't be surprised, he also has the most points over that time period. 28,000 points. A playoff record of 13 and 8. And he's got four championships. Welcoming Michael Willis to the podcast. How's it going, bud? It's going pretty well, man. How are you? Um, well, I'm a little sad, I have to say. Um, I uh heard some news. I heard some news, and I thought um we would have you on the pod to uh to hash it out, man. Um what's up? You got some news for everybody?
SPEAKER_00I do. Well, first of all, um I can't believe I'm on the pod. It's very strange feeling. I also listened to you and Mikey and you and Fish and you and Fish and whoever that other person was on the last pod at 1.8 speed. So it's very strange listening to your voice at normal speed. I feel like I'm listening to NPR or something in someone else's car. Um, but it's only fitting. So people are probably wondering why I'm here. Well, I was planning, I was pretty much 95% sure I was gonna tell you guys at the draft uh that I was gonna be retiring. However, after all the texts going back about starting the draft on Saturday, or doing the draft on Saturday of the weekend instead of Friday, I looked at my calendar and was talking with Jenna about the rest of the summer and was like, oh shit. Um I had pickup for live the same day as our draft, and our invite never made it to my new phone, uh, et cetera, et cetera. And um felt like the universe was pointing me towards retiring now. So this is my official announcement. Um, I am retiring from fantasy football from this is all that matters. So clearly there are other things that matter for me outside of this. However, since joining you guys in 2013, our first draft together was at Manny's R.I.P. Um, we did all you can eat and drink, I think probably Bud Lights and Wings for like 40-50 bucks. And you guys were yelling at me when we started because I was negotiating with Jenna what we're gonna put down on our condo, and I was like, fuck you guys, I'm gonna be in this league forever, and I'm gonna live up here forever. So obviously, both things are not true. And I dropped to Tom Brady, Tom Brady for his like worst year ever. Like that was the year he sucked, and I dropped him, and then he went on a run, right? So those are my first memories of you all. Um, so yeah, it's it's very bittersweet. Uh I spoke with a couple of you this morning have time to call everyone because we're picking up Liv from a different camp today, but but that's why we're here.
SPEAKER_01Man, it is really a bummer. Um, you know, I why I I can't believe you would step away. You've been so dominant. I can't, I can't for the life of me um can't imagine it. But maybe you could you could uh walk us through it. I know you got some other pieces of of of um departure notes for us too. So have at it, man.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so just it's a it's a work life thing. I mean, on top of my work travel and work, I just became too important at work, unfortunately, or fortunately, I guess. Um, and then you know, for those of you that know my wife well, she plans every fucking minute of my life. Like we're literally booking October right now in case anyone wants to come over. So I just the thought of adding anything else, and I've also told many of you I intended to quit many times, and I know I'm an emotional, emotional wreck, but it just felt like it was the right thing to do. I couldn't thought of adding adding anything else, like getting ready for fantasy, was has been daunting on me. Um, so I just I felt like it was right that the the world felt like it was it was time for me. So clearly, um, success, and you know, I wouldn't consider myself successful because I didn't win at all last year, right? One person can win. That's it. Yeah, so you know, I do have some like very short notes. I I I have um the first thing that came to my mind from all of you in reverse order from when I remember meeting you. So if you think you met me before this, uh I apologize. But um, so starting with Sam. Um, Sam, I was always terrified to draft near you because you um are crazy fucking erratic with your drafting. I mean, last year was the most erratic I'd ever seen. So um you terrified me. Everyone else I could kind of figure out, you know, within the standard deviation, sometimes too, what they were gonna do, but you were impossible to figure out. Uh and I'll say that.
SPEAKER_01Shout out to Sam. Shout out to Sam, man. Part of that Knicks traveling cohort. Right.
SPEAKER_00Those pictures. I know. I'm I'm really impressed um by you. I didn't even know you're that big of a Knicks fan until this year. So you're either you're either bandwagon or you really are a huge fan. Congratulations. Um, and I loved our we got to know each other better last year's draft. So, you know, I won't be on the the chat anymore, but you know, it'd be great to continue to get beers from you. And when we reinstitute Charlie Day, I hope uh, you know, a I'll still be invited, and B, that'll be there, you'll be there instead of other people. Um Sean, first thing that came to my mind is do you even like me? Um I I can't tell if you love me, if you hate me, if I'm somewhere in between. I mean, we used to have coffees together in Stanford. I'm pretty sure you like me, but that was the first thing that came into mind. As everyone says in this pile of time, you're a handsome beast. Um, and there's a chance I'll see you again, but it's not guaranteed. Um, we went from you bossing me around on the b-ball court, telling me to post up and set screens to and and sorry to say this, Charlie, you are the best person to sleep with. I mean, I'm sorry, next time. Um sorry, yeah. He is he is a fantastic cobed host. You're the best. Your pods are incredible. He's a little smelly. No, he doesn't smell also trust me. No, we've slept together multiple times. I mean, one time at your batcher party, I thought I was gonna die. So, anyways, um, thank you for that, fish. And it's a pure joy listening to your pods, even the one that the random person's pod I picked up the other day. Um we got a heater, we got a heater coming too.
SPEAKER_01I got a it's the classic coming. Sorry, little shameless plugging there. Go ahead. Sorry.
SPEAKER_00Oh, okay. Um Josh, man, I feel like we we started to get closer at our sushi lunches that Mikey would join sometime. We rock the fancy suits, you and I are in our love for martinis. Um, you never tell me when you're in Boston, it's okay. I don't take it personally at all. Um, I'm not the type of guy, but maybe just do one time because I think you come here monthly. Um, I do happen to tell you every time I'm in New York, but you know, stay handsome dude. Yeah, you don't take that personal at all. Um, Ben, obviously the first thing that came to me in my head was get luckier. You screaming at people on the basketball floor, and I fucking hated it at first, but obviously over time grew to love it. I think it was at Charlie's batch party, which I keep mentioning, is when you and I decided to get email with each other and tell each other that we liked each other. Um Charlie can confirm this, but I think I have more championships since we've been in the league together, but I'll never be able to catch you. It's probably my biggest regret of leaving that and trading you fucking JSN for 0.5 points by uh Romeo Dobbs that week. So you're welcome and fuck off. Um Brian, get piped and our workouts together. I mean, dude, you are an absolute savage machine. Uh I hated playing basketball against you because you're just on my hip like a soccer player the whole time. And you're our our core workouts, you're the first person that did core workouts, and now I've got like a local crew that I do workouts with three times a week. So you're you're really probably the first one I did that with. So um, thank you, man, for for being you and I appreciate you. Um, Mike, the our our nights together at Five Milestone are the first thing that came to my head, including the Alshawn Jeffrey Garbage Time touchdown to to win it all for me. So thank you for always being there for me late night at bars, being the only person that'll consistently come out with you. Mikey, sorry for mentioning that. You probably knew it was gonna come up. Um, but Mike, you know, you're you're always down to hang out. Um even if you tell me you're gonna be somewhere in five minutes and it takes three and a half hours, you know, you do show up eventually. So I appreciate you.
SPEAKER_01If you're trying to record this podcast in 1.8 speed, man, I think you should relax, dog. Sorry, it's not going anywhere, man. You got the floor. Yeah, that's how I talk.
SPEAKER_00I don't that's how I talk. I don't know. Um and then Mikey, so speaking of Charles Batchwell, yet again, I rolled the shit out of my I thought I tore my ACL, not rolled my ankle, and you um were very amped up the night before and thought you were gonna die. And we chatted a little bit there, but I felt like obviously we weren't quite where we'd get to eventually. It took me walking Izzy and you being um walking Lola around the Upper East Side, our our fantasy chats infrequently to you know the point where we got to catching up every single Monday, just recapping things. I probably learned more about fantasy from you than I did from any podcast. So I have to I have to mention to you that I appreciate that. And now we have dinners together where we barely invite anybody. So the rest of the squad can thank you for that, and you can keep giving them backhand invites on my behalf. So thank you. Yes, backhand. Uh and then Charles, the reason why I'm even here. Um you've given me since the day I met you amazing friendship. Um, you've talked me, Charlie's talked me off the ledge many times, guys. I mean, I I do you probably won't be surprised when I did some really stupid shit in college. Uh, and this guy he was always there for me, man. Um he had the fro. I thought he looked like Warren Sapp. I think were you wearing a Warren Sapp jersey when I met you? It was something like that.
SPEAKER_01I definitely had a jersey on of some sort of jersey.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, jersey with a gacebo and back. But the best thing you could have ever given me was Kamara Christmas. So, you know, I will thank you forever and always for that. You know, it was it was an amazing day, but but looking back on it, I was sitting there, it was Christmas. I was putting together a bike for live. My father-in-law and Jenna were eating Chinese food, like good Jews. Um, and they just had no idea what was going on. I'm just sitting there inside, enjoying it, going crazy, and they're just looking at me like I'm crazy. So is that not fantasy in a nutshell? I don't know what else is. So sorry for talking too fast, but that's what I had to say.
SPEAKER_01That's incredible, man. Um, you were prepared. You know, you're more prepared than than the other uh person I bring on this This Is All That Matters podcast, that's for sure.
SPEAKER_00Uh I mean I only had to do it once, so there you go. Maybe you guys will have me back in. I'm still gonna do daily fantasy. I'm not I'm retired from from league, so I'm not joining other league guys. I'd already quit my local town league because they're a bunch of idiots. Um, but I I will wholeheartedly miss you all at the draft uh and going forward. But you will just know that I will hit up this text chain. I'm sure you're gonna have to start a new one without me and tell you all when I'm in New York every single time. And you're all welcome in Boston at my house anytime too.
SPEAKER_01Shout out to you, man. Uh, you've been such an incredible part of the league. Voted in back in the day, and you really um you really held your own. I um I have to say, I'm a little worried. I think the the wheeling and dealing is gonna plummet without you. I don't know if the league will be as fun, man. There won't be as many trades, that's for sure.
SPEAKER_00Well, no one will trade anymore with me because of you.
SPEAKER_01So um maybe that's the real that's the real reason because you you you realize that the well is dry and there's no hope.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I feel like I'm leaving my team in good shape for the next person. The the the squad is good, uh, the dynasty can hopefully continue through somebody else. Um, I don't know if they'll change their names as erratically as I do, but you know, they're they're in good shape, whoever's gonna take over.
SPEAKER_01Well, there won't be as man as many emojis in it, that's for sure. Uh shout out to the eggplant king. Um, man, but yeah, uh, we love you. We thank you. All of your contributions, all the drinks you made at the draft, all the planning, all of the effort you put in, and it's really been great. And it's it's really sad to see you go.
SPEAKER_00Thanks, man. I I'm also sad too. I know I said I'm okay earlier, but it's it's uh this is not an easy decision. I I love you all, uh, and I'll really miss you in a couple couple weeks. I'll have so much FOMO. Don't send me any pictures.
SPEAKER_01No pictures, no pictures, I promise. Not taking any pictures there, that's for sure. That should be like a no pictures.
SPEAKER_00One picture, one group picture. That's it, right?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, no, for sure. Absolutely. Um all right, man. All right.